Grief is an indescribable journey that takes us through a labyrinth of emotions, testing the limits of our strength and resilience. It's a natural response to loss, whether it be the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, an unborn child, or any significant change that alters our lives..
While it's a universal experience, the process of grief is deeply personal and unique to each individual.
Identifying the process and allowing ourselves to navigate through its phases is essential for both our emotional and physical well-being. Grief can manifest in a range of physical effects, such as digestive issues, sleeplessness, joint discomfort, headaches, increased inflammation and weakened immune system.
In the rawness of grief, emotions surge like tidal waves, crashing over us with a force that can leave us breathless. We may need to initiate our breath. As if our life depended on it (because it does), force yourself to take a deep inhalation and then exhale without restraint. Allow any sounds to come out. Take at least 3 breaths like this until you’re naturally breathing again.
The journey of grief is often described in stages and it's important to note that they aren't linear. We will move through them at our own pace and possibly enter a phase more than once.
I recently experienced a devastating loss. I didn’t know I was grieving until I saw a chart of the stages and recognized I was “Bargaining”. It was almost liberating. Once I accepted that I was grieving, I was able to tenderly hold space for myself to move through the stages. Without judgment. Without rushing. There’s no rush. When we allow ourselves to feel the feelings, we're allowing our bodies to process. It knows how. God designed us to detox and heal. Trust in the process. Healing is not a destination but a journey.
Here are the stages, so you too can recognize if you or a loved one is possibly experiencing grief.. I included exercises to help us process the stage.
Denial, like a veil, shields us momentarily from the harsh reality of our loss. It whispers promises of normalcy, urging us to believe that if we refuse to acknowledge the pain, it will simply vanish. But the body’s ache persists, gnawing at the edges of our soul, reminding us that denial is a temporary refuge.
Acknowledge your loss. Say it out loud.
Notice how you feeeeel in your body. It may be hard to identify the sensations in our body because our mind and body are often disconnected in this stage. Still try.
Anger rises like a tempest, fierce and unyielding, gives voice to the primal scream of injustice, the fiery rage that burns within as we rail against the unfairness of it all. We lash out at the world, at ourselves, searching for someone or something to blame for the gaping void in our hearts.
Allow yourself to be angry. If you have the opportunity, talk it out with others involved. Be honest about your feelings. Take your time. Try not to blame or bite them though. We all have our own perspective of what happened and it’s important to be compassionate…chances are they are also grieving. It may sound impossible, but with effort, you can be angry and compassionate at the same time.
Bargaining becomes our desperate plea for respite, for a chance to rewrite the script of our lives. We make deals with fate, with God, with ourselves, clinging to the fragile hope that somehow, someway, we can turn back the hands of time. But the universe remains indifferent to our pleas, and in the silence of our prayers, we confront the harsh reality of our powerlessness to change the past.
This can be an opportunity for self-reflection and growth: Grief can prompt deep self-reflection and introspection. It can lead us to reevaluate our priorities, relationships, and life goals. We may gain new insights, develop greater empathy, and grow personally and spiritually.
Depression descends like a heavy fog, enveloping us in its suffocating embrace. It's the numbness that dulls our senses, the weight that crushes our spirit, leaving us adrift in a sea of despair. We mourn not only what we've lost but also the pieces of ourselves that seem irretrievably lost in the shadows.
Lean on your faith here. Psalm 34:18 reminds us that "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Remember that we are not singular, but part of a larger design. Trust in God's plan to find the strength to endure even the darkest of times.
Friends, I promise you; Within the tumult lies the potential for profound healing and growth.
Amidst the darkness, there is a glimmer of light, a beacon of hope that guides us forward.
Acceptance, though elusive, offers us a sliver of peace, a moment of respite from the storm. It's the gentle surrender to the ebb and flow of grief, the quiet acknowledgment that healing is not a destination but a journey.
Acceptance doesn't mean abandoning our loss; rather, it's about finding peace and learning to live with the reality of our new normal. We have, in fact, changed forever. Embracing acceptance can bring a sense of relief and allow us to focus on rebuilding our lives. Tenderly hold space for your pain, knowing that it is through your tears that you’ll find healing. And as we journey through the darkness, never lose sight of the flicker of hope that guides us towards the dawn. For in the depths of grief, we discover the true strength of our spirit, and in our brokenness, we find the seeds of renewal and growth.
Grief is a profound and multifaceted experience that touches every aspect of our lives, including our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Allowing ourselves to physically release the pent-up emotions associated with grief can be incredibly therapeutic, offering a release valve for the tension and stress that accompanies loss. By acknowledging and honoring these physical manifestations, we grant ourselves permission to heal in both body and spirit.
As we journey through the darkest valleys of grief, we find solace in our faith and our connection to something greater than ourselves. Psalm 23:4 serves as a beacon of hope, reminding us that even in our darkest moments, we are never alone. With the assurance of divine comfort and guidance, we gather the courage to continue onwards, even when the path seems unwalkable. Through faith and community, we find strength, resilience, and the promise of eventual healing.
Psalm 23:4 ”Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”